Two months ago I wrote in my prayer journal, “I don’t have to save myself. I don’t have to provide for myself. I don’t have to know what I’m doing.” I have permission from the King of kings to breathe, to rest. He is doing the saving, the providing, the knowing.

Today I wrote this: “If God is my Savior and I don’t have to save myself, is it also true that if God is my Lord I don’t have to be lord over myself?” I have tried to master myself with little success. Still bitterness and resentment, fear, selfishness, domineering, judgement, and anger spill out all over the place. Proverbs 26:11 describes me well: “As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his foolishness.”

I have shied away from calling Jesus my Lord because it sounds so… authoritarian. But I have been upside down, standing on my head, and God is offering to put me on my feet. Jesus as my Lord is not more expectations and demands on my performance. It is an offering of His performance over mine. He says, let Me be Lord. Here is My power to master selfishness. His lordship is a gift.

Oh Lord, I repent. I have misunderstood You. I have feared Your beautiful gift. Thank You for continuing to extend it until I am ready to reach out, to kneel down, to bow in humble gratitude for Your offer to be my Lord. I accept.