Tag Archives: love

Growing Pains

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Have you noticed it is hard to be loved by God? It is the end of a long day, and I sit in the quiet of my daughters’ bedroom, tired in every way. Finally they are sleeping, and finally I take inventory of my cowering spirit. I let the discomfort and fear rise to my conscious mind and the falling tears are evidence of despair over my mediocrity. Sometimes I think it would feel better to fail epically than to struggle along day after day, doing what I need to do, but feeling purposeless; being possessed by a nagging ache that I could do so much better. I could be a better mom and wife and friend; a better housekeeper and cook and caretaker of pets.

As I sit in the quiet and feel the discomfort of my own existence, the whisper to my soul is one of love. “How do I go through the coming week?” I wonder. And God says, “Let me love you.” Even as my tears become tears of relief, I realize: being loved is hard too. I don’t know how to be loved. For 34 years I have believed that I must perform. This is so deeply a part of me that an identity based on being loved feels like insanity. I must be crazy. God must be crazy. What is going on? Is He sure He really loves me? Is He sure loving me and not fixing me this week is the best idea? At any rate, shouldn’t I earn His love by doing something good? Or shouldn’t the purpose of His love be to make me good?

And so I find before me a most difficult task this week. Not to become a better parent, or a better wife. Not to hold my tongue, or have a hot dinner ready at 5:30 every day. Not to make fancy after-school snacks and remember everything I need when I go to the store. Not to have the perfect ratio of social time and time at home. Not to always listen attentively to my children. Not to affirm my husband every day. Not to anticipate and care for the needs of my family, friends and community. My task is to be loved.

This is hard because I don’t really believe I am lovable – especially when I am performing so far below my own expectations. But if I am honest, I know in my spirit that love is exactly the right place to begin. Love is transforming. Love is a safe place to be when my own self is a minefield of lies and scoffing laughter at my attempts to be “good.” Love when I don’t deserve it is precisely what nudges me toward healing: what gives me permission to be broken, so that instead of fighting against myself I can embrace brokenness and know the first moments of healing.

God’s love is too good to be true. And haven’t I always been told, “If it’s too good to be true, it’s probably not true”? Well, this time it is too good to be true, but it is nevertheless true. God loves me. He really is crazy. And this really is good news. I can lay down this ungainly burden of must-get-everything-right, and breath some fresh grace-air deep into my bones, my spirit, my identity.

How does this all work? I’m not exactly sure. But maybe one tiny step is becoming aware of my allegiance. Dare I give more allegiance to the whispers of Love than to the well-worn paths of performing and earning? Could I choose to believe that I am loved, having done nothing to deserve it? Could I take one tiny step away from legalism and toward grace: away from starvation and toward abundance?

I learned from Dr. Caroline Leaf’s brain detox program how our thoughts occupy physical space in our minds. When we develop new thoughts they begin as little “bumps” in our brain, which then grow into “mushrooms” and then big healthy “trees,” simply because we think them over and over. Conversely, we can physically remove thoughts from our brain, reversing this process and deteriorating healthy “trees” down into “mushrooms,” then “bumps,” then nothing. Death.

Life or death. Choose this day whom you will serve (Joshua 24:15). This week, choosing to serve God looks like letting God love me, even though it makes no sense. Letting Him hold me after I belittle my children. Letting Him forgive me 100 times in one afternoon. Letting Him give me gifts I do not deserve. Letting Him withhold consequences I do deserve. Letting Him get a little crazy with me. Letting Him decide whether I am worthy, because He already decided on a cross a long time ago, when He was worthy for me so I don’t have to be worthy.

Obedience, Part 3 – What Precedes Obedience

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Are there certain experiences that precede obedience to God? Certain conditions under which obedience flourishes? I am certain there are more thorough answers to these questions than what I have to share here. My simple offering comes from my own experience, and I am a feeble beginner in regards to obedience. Yet I feel an inkling of freedom, and freedom is always worth sharing. Perhaps obedience begins with Love, Lordship, and Listening.

Love

The Bible says that God strengthens us “through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.” (Ephesians 3:16b-19 NLT)

Do you see the progression here? First God gives us His Spirit to strengthen us on the inside. Then as we trust Him (more on trust here), He comes to be at home in our hearts. Then we grow deep roots into His love, and we begin to understand and experience the vastness of His love, even though it is beyond understanding. And finally, we are “made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.”

As I read and reread this, I have become aware that I had things backwards (again!). Knowing I am loved is what changes me. I used to think it was more magical, like God reaching down to touch me and turn me into a walking exhibition of the fruit of the Spirit. I thought it was about doing right things. But being a Christian is actually about being loved. Being loved is intimate, internal, and personal. As C.S. Lewis says in Mere Christianity, “…the Christian is in a different position from other people who are trying to be good. They hope, by being good, to please God if there is one… But the Christian thinks any good he does comes from the Christ-life inside him. He does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us…”

If someone you don’t know asks you to do something, you might take into consideration things like whether they have power, whether you are likely to interact with them again in the future, and how much what they are asking you to do will cost or inconvenience you. If someone you know asks you do something, you may take those same things into consideration, but you also act out of the temperature of the relationship. You might be predisposed not to obey, or predisposed to obey, depending on the experiences you have had with this person. Think about the possibility that Someone who has loved you since before you were born, served you by taking responsibility for your wrong actions, and loves you no matter what you do, is asking you to do something. How likely would you be to respond? God’s love is the first prerequisite to obedience. We would be fools to obey Him otherwise.

Henry and Richard Blackaby and Claude King wrote an excellent workbook, Experiencing God, which carefully explores listening and responding to God. It encourages us to get to know God before we start trying to do things for Him: “I think God is crying out to us, ‘Don’t just do something. Stand there! Enter a love relationship with Me. Get to know Me.'”

Our experiences with God in the past prepare us for obedience in the present. Maybe when we’re struggling with obedience to God, we can give ourselves permission to stop trying to be good and stop stressing about obeying. Maybe it’s time to think on His love and grace, and let Him worry about the rest. God is eager to provide for us. He is inviting us to rest in His provision. And as we do so, this glorious safety and love and cherishing frees us to follow Him and turn toward Him in obedience.

Lordship

Acknowledging Jesus as Lord is a recognition of His power in our lives. Power that He received by submitting Himself to God in obedience to the point of death. His gift to us is His power in our lives to do in and through us what we are unable to do for ourselves – to be healed by His love and empowered by His grace. Jesus as Lord is not more expectations and demands on our performance. It is an offering of His performance over ours.

When we acknowledge His Lordship, obedience follows. Jesus said, “So why do you keep calling me ‘Lord, Lord!’ when you don’t do what I say?” (Luke 6:46, NLT). We ought not to waste our breath saying He is Lord if we don’t really believe it. And if we do believe it, our response will be obedience. We will stand in awe of His gift and eagerly place ourselves in submission to His awesome power in our lives. As big as this sounds, it happens little by little. We don’t surrender everything in one moment. He opens our eyes slowly to His Lordship, and slowly we respond to His revelations with obedience.

Listening

If we agree on the Love and Lordship of Jesus Christ, then what? He may be powerful and loving, but how do I know what He wants me to do? By definition, obedience requires that a person is being asked to do something (or not do something). So what is God asking us to do? Using the analogy of a parent-child relationship, I see two possible sources of direction from God:

First, there are household rules. These are established rules – you know what they are and frequently make decisions to follow or not follow these rules. In regards to God, household rules may include the Ten Commandments and Jesus’ summary of the law: “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Matthew 22:37-39, NLT) Quickly we realize we are unable to do any of this without the love and lordship of Jesus. His obedience is our obedience, because only He in us is able to live a life of love.

Second, there are things God asks you personally to do. These are things He is not asking every other human being to do. Just as a parent will ask a specific child to do or not doing something, so God speaks to us with specificity. I believe this is something God does with every one of His children. As Christians we are not following rules, we are following Jesus. And Jesus is always up to something. He is at work in the world around us. To quote Experiencing God again, “God never asks people to dream up something to do for Him. We do not sit down and dream what we want to do for God and then call God in to help us accomplish it. The pattern in Scripture is that we submit ourselves to God. Then we wait until God shows us what He is about to do, or we watch to see what God is already doing around us and join Him.”

If you’ve read much of my blog, you probably know waiting is not my strong suit. I would much rather come up with something good to do myself than to join what God is doing. Whatever He is doing probably requires things I’m not able to give. But that brings us right back around to love. Because He loves us, He offers us His lordship and grace, which is His power in us to accomplish His purposes. He doesn’t need me to be able to do it. Obedience opens up a world of possibilities. Remember the passage I quoted from Ephesians? This is how it ends: “Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.” (Ephesians 3:20, 21 NLT, italics added)

Listening also involves paying attention. God says to the Israelites, “Follow my decrees and be careful to obey my laws…” (Leviticus 25:18,19 NIV). Following and being careful require paying attention. When we follow another car in traffic or try to stay with a toddler in the department store, we keep our eyes on them. The Cambridge Dictionary online describes “careful” in part as “giving attention to something.” Obeying God involves first giving Him our attention.

Sometimes I worry about how to know what God wants me to do. In reality, I could never in my feeble human state commune with Almighty God, and certainly not aspire to obey Him with my own resources. How could I in my broken state even begin to behave in the loving manner in which God calls me to behave? This is oddly comforting, because when I see clearly that I could never obey God on my own, it becomes obvious that He is able to accomplish His purposes – including communicating with me what He has for me to do – and my part is only to trust Him and turn toward Him saying “Yes, Lord.”

God Is Offering

I have discovered that when God asks me to obey, He is actually offering to do something for me, in me, or through me. My obedience is only a channel through which He can do mighty things. He doesn’t expect me to be able to do a whole lot. But He intends to do a whole lot with me as I immerse myself in His love and turn toward Him with obedience. He is not asking me to do something, so much as He is asking me to let Him do something.

In the book of Exodus, after God frees his people from Egyptian slavery, He makes a covenant with them, consisting primarily of instructions and promises. After Moses read the covenant to the people, “They responded, ‘We will do everything the Lord has said; we will obey.'” In the next post on obedience, we’ll look at some of the blessings God promised would follow obedience.