Tag Archives: waiting

Case In Point

If you were my neighbor, you might have seen my butt, clad in my favorite snowflake leggings, disappear into our kitchen window on a Tuesday morning in early December. It was the end of one act in a drama that began Monday evening.

My husband left Monday morning for a work trip to New York, and since my friend Tiffaney’s husband was also out of town for work, we planned a Monday night moms-and-kids sleepover. It was a snowy day, school was canceled, but we stayed busy putting up our Christmas tree, doing a few snippets of homework, baking pies, running errands, and getting props ready for the school Christmas program.

Late that afternoon I backed our Highlander out of the garage and pulled up to the sidewalk by the back door. I pushed the button to close the garage door but it didn’t respond. I’ll back up several feet and try again before I pull out, I thought. We loaded up our snow clothes, sleepover bags, and a pie, and by the time we pulled out I had forgotten about the open garage door.

Five minutes later we arrived at Tiffaney’s house, parked at the end of her driveway, and tromped through the snow to her warm kitchen, carrying our bags of clothes. We stowed our things away in the downstairs guest room and the kids went out to play in the snow, while I settled down to a puzzle in the living room and Tiffaney made dinner. The kids came in after dark, their icy clothes leaving melting puddles here and there in the entryway. After dinner they played, then put their PJs on and had a bedtime story by the fire. It was a cozy and delightful evening.

In the morning we had pumpkin pie and muffins, veggie sausage and fruit for breakfast, then scurried to gather our things and get out the door for school. Tiffaney left with her kids while my girls and I gathered the last of our things by the kitchen door and prepared to take armloads of snow clothes to the Highlander. My keys weren’t in my purse, but I’m notorious for misplacing things, so I wasn’t alarmed. I checked my coat pockets next. “I don’t know where my keys are.”

“I had them last night,” my older daughter said with concern. “I don’t know what I did with them.”

I had forgotten she took the keys to get a sled from the Highlander. While I felt slightly relieved that I hadn’t unknowingly misplaced the keys, I now also felt a much higher level of concern at the possibility of not being able to find them at all. We began searching, starting in my daughter’s coat pocket, where she remembered putting the keys. But they weren’t in the coat pocket, or the pants pockets, or anywhere we looked in the house. We continued the search outside where there were still several inches of snow on the ground. We walked slowly to the Highlander, heads down. Tiffaney’s neighbor, Ben, noticed us searching the ground and asked if we had lost keys. “Yes,” I said, “we used them last night and now we can’t find them.” He promptly offered to take my girls to school, and I gladly accepted.

Tiffaney came home and together we continued searching for the keys, but found nothing. I texted my parents that I was coming over to get a spare house key. My parents live across the street from my house and they keep a spare key, so it would be easy to go home from there and grab the extra Highlander keys to use until I found the lost key ring. Tiffaney dropped me off at my parents’ house, where I was greeted with the unwelcome news, “We can’t find the key to your house.” Mommy and Daddy were searching kitchen drawers and coat pockets, but to no avail. I decided to walk over to my house and look for a way to break in. I tried all the doors and a couple of windows, but everything was locked. As I stood at the back of the house, looking at the windows, I noticed the latch was pointing a different direction on the kitchen window than it was on the other windows. Maybe it’s not locked.

I carried our orange step-ladder from the still-open garage to the kitchen window. Propping it open, I climbed up and tried the window. It opened! Sliding it all the way up, I angled my head and shoulders through the narrow opening, held onto the counter as I balanced awkwardly over the piles of dishes in and around the sink, and finally lowered myself to the kitchen floor. From there it was a dozen steps to the back door, which I unlocked as I headed out to put the ladder away. I tromped back through the snow to my parents’ house with the news of my lucky break-in, and retrieved my purse.

As I was walked home again it dawned on me that I couldn’t have opened the kitchen window if the garage door was closed and I didn’t have access to the ladder. Sometimes my mistakes or forgetfulness can be in my favor! Glad to finally be home, I settled down to write until Tiffaney could take me back to her house to retrieve the Highlander. Then life resumed as usual.

Monday’s sleepover was such a hit that we showed up again Wednesday evening to spend the night. There was still snow on the ground, and we searched for the keys to no avail. Tiffaney took all the kids to her son’s school Christmas program, and I got better acquainted with Alice, who got stuck at the bottom of Tiffaney’s driveway. Using door mats, car mats, blankets, and—finally—a neighbor, we got her little car to the end of the driveway. Tiffaney’s house was beginning to feel like one adventure after another.

Snow melted over the weekend, and we offered the neighborhood kids—fourteen of them—a $2 reward for finding my keys. Sunday it rained and I stayed inside. Monday I increased the reward to $3, and Tiffaney chimed in on our group text, “I’ll double that!” Three of us adults also combed the sledding hill on Monday but found nothing shiny or key-like.

Another week passed, it snowed again, and Christmas vacation began. I was at my writing desk on a Wednesday morning, two weeks after I had climbed through our kitchen window, when my daughter appeared in the doorway wearing her snow pants and coat. “I hear metal,” she said, shaking up and down. She reached down, opened the side pocket of her snow pants, and pulled out the missing keys! She had put them safely in her pocket … just not her coat pocket. I joyfully texted my friends.

The drama had finally reached its conclusion after fifteen days of waiting. That’s plenty of time to fret about the astronomical price of a new key fob, my—or my daughter’s—lack of responsibility, and the outlaws who might be running around with keys to my house. It’s plenty of time to scold and moan and budget. Enough time to compare all the “shoulda’s” with reality. It’s enough time to buy a new fob, schedule an appointment to have the house re-keyed, and write a chore list long enough so my daughter can pay me back for said fob.

But I didn’t do any of those things. I blame God for this. I also blame Tiffaney, who is queen of going with the flow, and who spent more time praying than fretting—in fact she prayed about finding the keys just a couple of hours before my daughter found them.

I am still getting acquainted with the me who doesn’t freak out about everything, shame and blame, and frantically try to fix things in record time. This new me appreciates my friends and gives grace to my children. She allows for changes in plans and inconveniences. She waits, with a slow pulse.

Don’t get me wrong, I can still throw a first-class tantrum. When things go sideways I still panic and reach for my two favorites—anger and control. But I love this whole story because it’s a case in point that I am freer than I used to be. I am free to love, to make mistakes, and to allow others to make mistakes. I am free to receive life open-handed, to laugh, to pray, to wait, to be in community. No matter the outcome, all the energy I might have spent steaming out my ears for two weeks was put to better use. Thank you, Papa God, for seeing fit to replace my heart of stone with a heart of flesh.

Suspended Together

Suspended Together

Blessed are You,
Lord our God,
King of the Universe,
for loss of relationship—
emptiness that remind me
I was full,
sting that affirms I am still tender,
able to feel.

Blessed are You
for relationships suspended,
dangling in midair,
reminding me that You
are in the waiting too.

Blessed are You,
Lord our God,
King of the Universe,
for grace to stay open
when fear would snap me shut,
and courage to hold space—to wait—
though self-protection insists
an open heart is dangerous.

Blessed are You
for Your presence in me,
affirming me—
I am treasured,
whether frozen solid
and cold as ice,
or warm and soft
as a fresh-baked cookie.

Stillness (Part 2): Is God Crazy?

God has a knack for suggesting stillness when it sounds like the worst possible idea. Imagine the Israelites leaving behind hundreds of years of slavery in Egypt, and suddenly seeing the Egyptian army coming after them as they approach the Red Sea. Terrified, they declare they would rather go back to be slaves than die. Sounds logical to me. But Moses says, “Don’t be afraid. Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again. The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.” (Exodus 14:13,14 NLT) “Just stay calm”? Really, God? You’re just going to say that? Of all the times to stand still, this seems like the worst. 

On some level I can relate to the Israelites, being trapped between slavery and salvation. My brokenness—from which God has already delivered me in Christ—pursues and traps me. Fear and anxiety rush in and I am ready to run back to my slavery: impatience, control, and being right. I would rather perform than be set free. I am afraid of myself and the cavernous ugliness I have seen inside. When things are not turning out how I want, it sounds much safer to reach for control than to sit between the enemy and an unknown outcome. But sometimes that is exactly what I am invited to do. And sometimes watching and waiting is the catalyst for victory.

Last winter our marriage stepped off solid ground onto a suspension bridge. There was a bit of wobbling and a few moments where we held our breath. After one of many difficult conversations, I was left looking down at the chasm below and wondering if that’s where we were going to end up. As I prayed, I had a strong impression that I was to watch and wait—that God was on the move but I needed to be still. So I was. By God’s grace I didn’t dwell on painful words or unanswerable questions. I waited. When fear rolled in with a choking sensation and suggested that I fight or flee, I prayed aloud, reminding God what He had asked of me and asking for His help to continue watching and waiting. After several days I saw God’s handiwork, in the form of a handwritten letter from my husband. God fought the battle for me as I watched and waited.

When God is involved, stillness can be productive. Look at the moment of stillness in this story of Jesus going to Nain:

Now it happened… that [Jesus] went into a city called Nain… and when He came near the gate of the city, behold, a dead man was being carried out, the only son of his mother; and she was a widow. And a large crowd from the city was with her. When the Lord saw her, He had compassion on her and said to her, “Do not weep.” Then He came and touched the open coffin, and those who carried him stood still. And He said, “Young man, I say to you, arise.” So he who was dead sat up and began to speak. And He presented him to his mother. (Luke 7:11-15, NKJV)

Did you catch it? The pallbearers stand still. 

When something is dead—whether it be a dream, an opportunity, a relationship—we take the next logical step and bury it. And rightly so, for dead things left in the open begin to stink. But Jesus may be audacious enough to stop us on the way to the hole in the ground. I want to get the ordeal over with. But if I pay attention to Jesus, He may simply be asking me to pause. 

I realize when I look at these stories that it can be ill-advised to be logical with Jesus. He may ask me sometimes to stop and be still when I am taking what is the undeniably obvious next step. Am I willing to still myself and see what He is going to do?

There are times to take action, yes. There are also times to stand still. Permit me one more Bible story: Judah’s king, Jehoshaphat, is terrified by the approach of not one, but three armies. He fasts and prays, and orders his whole kingdom to do the same. In response, God’s Spirit comes upon a guy named Jahaziel, and this is what he says: “‘Listen, all you people of Judah and Jerusalem! Listen, King Jehoshaphat! This is what the Lord says: Do not be afraid! Don’t be discouraged by this mighty army, for the battle is not yours, but God’s… you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord’s victory’” (2 Chronicles 20:15-17b, NLT, emphasis added). Sure enough, the enemies coming against Judah in battle kill each other, and Jehoshaphat’s army just watches. 

Isn’t that crazy? 

Is it possible that sometimes I miss what God is saying because I’m only listening for actions I can take? Maybe I give God multiple-choice, but His answer isn’t on the list. Doing nothing seems counterintuitive to problem solving. 

If we are parents, sometimes we have to tell our kids to wait: for cookies to cool, for glue to dry, for the day of the party to arrive. By the same token, we may be asked by Daddy God to wait when it seems obvious what the next step ought to be. The antidote for white-knuckled waiting—or rushing in headlong—is the slow building of trust, creating a safe space for stillness. As God shows His heart to us, we let His love soak deep into our bones so that we may trust Him, crazy though He may be.

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A couple things to check out: 1) this freeing song about stillness, by Hillary Scott. 2) my new Facebook page @jesusmyfavoritesubject. Love ya’ll. Thanks for reading.