Tag Archives: addiction

Substance Use or Pain?

I know next to nothing about substance use. Other than tales of “the alcoholic” family members I never met, the “sinners” in the prodigal-returns books the church fed me, and the guy who beat the tar out of a piñata at his daughter’s birthday party, I live in a substance-use-free bubble. Although, I was offered a drink last week by two guys about my age who came upon me at a local park, where I had stationed myself to watch for beaver activity. I hoped to catch the crepuscular creatures near one end of their habitat, where they had recently felled a large tree.

It became apparent these two fellows had been drinking when they repeatedly complimented my purple outfit, introduced themselves, offered to move my chair for me, asked me to show them the beaver lodge, and kept up a constant stream of friendly banter. Sober people walk by silently and you’re lucky to get a nod.

“If you’re gonna take beer from a stranger, we’re the right people to take it from,” the talkative fellow offered. He went on to explain the virtues of the beer he had in the cooler bag over his shoulder, but it all went over my head. IPA and other alcohol-related terms are Greek to me.

As a child, I was taught to fear alcohol, with the admonition that because alcohol addiction runs in our family, I could become addicted with a single drink. Is there truth to that? I don’t know. Now that I’m an adult it seems beside the point.

Last November, I attended a community education event—“Hidden In Plain Sight,” or HIPS. This event multiplied my slight knowledge of substances by at least ten times. For example, I thought “doing pot” 40 years ago was essentially the same as “doing pot” today. I was wrong. But before I get to that … The whole experience hit me odd—attending a 1.5-hour community event in which I felt the main takeaway was “just say no” (although those words were not used). I thought people who didn’t rely on religious/moral reasons for abstinence just didn’t abstain. Or at the very least, didn’t tell others to abstain. But apparently, given data on brain development and facts about the effects of drugs and alcohol, a whole slough of people agree that—at least for kids and teens—“no” is the appropriate attitude toward substances. And this isn’t about illegal drugs; it’s about nicotine, marijuana, and alcohol.

When I talk to my kids about alcohol and drug use, I notice they are acutely—vehemently—aware that it is “bad”—so much so that it’s easy for them to assume a person who uses is not a “good” person. For that reason, my conversations with them, more often than not, focus on the aspect of numbing pain. I tell them people drink because it makes them feel better. It’s relief from anxiety, loneliness, trauma, and intense emotional pain. And isn’t every human being worthy of relief from pain?

I didn’t know what to expect going to the HIPS event—other than free pizza and a lesson on the paraphernalia of risky teen behavior. But when I left after the event I had a distinct feeling that something was missing—we didn’t talk about the pain these kids are trying to numb. Or the pain their parents are trying to numb. And parental influence means—like it or not—when we as parents use substances to numb our pain, it’s hard to tell our kids not to, and even harder for them to respect and respond to us.

In the state of Washington, where I live, it is legal for a parent to give alcohol to their child at any age, in their home1. And although it’s illegal to give tobacco or marijuana products to your own children, the data in our local community indicates that parents are supplying these items to their children in middle school and high school2—or at least turning a blind eye. Additionally, many websites that sell vapes and other nicotine products simply have a textbox to type in one’s age, making it easier to buy substances than it is to log into your bank account.

Products that were originally marketed as smoking cessation products, such as vapes,3 may deliver more nicotine to users than cigarettes, depending on the product and frequency of use. They’re also cheaper. A carton of cigarettes is $120, and the roughly-equivalent 7,000-puff rechargeable fume vape—which comes in more than a dozen flavors and fits easily in a closed hand—costs only $15. It also conveniently flies under the radar of the Clean Indoor Air Act, since the nicotine is delivered without a cloud of smoke. As you might imagine, these changes rewrite the landscape of nicotine use.

And alcohol is not exempt from the changing landscape. With a disposable water bottle, a wine cork, and a bike pump, a curious teen can vaporize alcohol, conveniently bypassing their digestive system and taking the full impact of a shot of hard liquor directly to their bloodstream.4

Now back to the changes around “doing pot”. Before the turn of the century, marijuana products delivered about 4% THC, or tetrahydrocannabinol, the psychoactive compound found in cannabis. In the 2010s, that number jumped to nearly 20% with the medicalization of marijuana. Today there are products containing up to 90% THC5. This ain’t your grandpa’s weed. Yet in Walla Walla County the Healthy Youth Survey in 2023 reported that 56% of 10th-grade respondents thought trying cannabis/marijuana held no risk or low risk, and 30% thought regular use had little or no risk.6 Are these students thinking of grandpa’s weed, or the expanding menu of available products? There’s rosin, crumble, distillate, bubble hash, dry sift, crystalline, and the list goes on.7

Youth who experiment with substance use are often unaware—now more than ever—of the actual amount of alcohol, nicotine, or THC they are taking in through various products or processes, resulting in an uptake of accidental overdoses.8 Parents seem to be checked out of their kids’ lives, and capitalism is taking advantage of the changing topography of products that deliver substances.

2023 Health Use Survey (askhys.net)
Walla Walla County data

20% of 10th graders reported using marijuana at least once in their life.

50.9% of 10th graders reported using alcohol at least once in their life.

16% of 8th graders had ridden, during the previous 30 days, in a vehicle driven by someone who had been drinking alcohol.

2.7% of 6th graders (my 12-year-old daughter’s grade) reported alcohol use in the past 30 days, as did 3.9% of 8th graders and 13.1% of 10th graders.

19.5% of 8th graders and 33.6% of 10th graders indicated it would be “sort of or very easy” to get marijuana.

In case you got lost in the grade numbers,
all of these statistics are for youth approximately 11-15 years of age.

Not long after attending the HIPS events, my husband Michael and I walked by a smoke shop as we were finishing a pizza-and-ice-cream date night. “Ooh,” I said spontaneously, “let’s go in!” Michael didn’t share my enthusiasm, but he followed me inside the shop. The young man behind the counter welcomed us in and asked if we were after anything particular. I volunteered that neither of us had ever had anything. “If there’s something you want to try, let me know,” he offered.

To the left, behind a long counter, packaged products lined the wall. To the right, blown-glass paraphernalia caught my eye. I didn’t know what any of it was called. “Pipe” and “bong” seemed like terms that probably applied to some of the stuff, but I wasn’t sure. It reminded me of visiting the glass-blowing shops in Oregon’s coastal towns. Rows of shelves showcased the beautiful colors and shapes, and at the back of the store two more large displays highlighted artful drug paraphernalia.

The shop also had knives, samurai swords, rings for body-piercings, incense, an impressive display of fancy cigars, sex paraphernalia, and—based on my newly-acquired knowledge—several items I assumed were for hiding drugs. Michael and I circled the store a few times, commenting quietly to each other. Wanting to be a good customer, I bought a small vaping device.

Just kidding. I bought a pair of cheap earrings.

“Drugs and alcohol” are not the static story I imagined. And my interpretations are one tiny perspective on an issue that is complex beyond any one person’s understanding. Advertising, social influences9, the complex science of the over-400 components of cannabis10, the biology of addiction, stigma, family structure, mental health, and countless other factors impact our youth and their decisions around substances.

Mental health professionals and others, including the renowned Brené Brown, say it isn’t possible to selectively numb emotion. If we numb pain, anxiety, and sadness, we also numb joy, contentment, and gratitude. How will a generation unable to feel things—let alone name those feelings—live whole lives, experience belonging, and effectively walk through the tragedy and triumph of life?

And how will they teach resilience to the next generation?

I am left with more questions than answers. Why did I know nothing of the breadth and depth of new and evolving products and packaging around substance use? Why did only about 20 people attend this HIPS event that was marketed across the Walla Walla Valley? Why does it seem like social workers and law enforcement are the only people looking at this data?

About 10% of 8th graders and 14% of 10th graders surveyed had considered suicide. Over a third indicated a struggle with depression.11 Why are our children in so much pain? And how are we offering relief?


Endnotes:
1 RCW 66.44.270, subsection (4), viewed here.
2 The Healthy Youth Survey fact sheet for Walla Walla County in 2023 reports that 29% of youth in 8th and 12th grades, and 27% of youth in 10th grade reported getting alcohol from home, with permission, in the past 30 days. Additionally, only 5% of youth drink alcohol if their parents think it’s wrong, while 28% drink if their parents don’t think it’s wrong. This data is from a fact sheet created here.
3 https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10880776/
4 https://www.vumc.org/poison-control/toxicology-question-week/jan-29-2020-alcohol-vaping-friend-or-foe
3 https://medicine.yale.edu/news-article/not-your-grandmothers-marijuana-rising-thc-concentrations-in-cannabis-can-pose-devastating-health-risks/
6 This data is from a fact sheet created here.
7 https://vivosun.com/growing_guide/what-is-crumble-crystalline-sugar/
8 This was covered in the live presentation. I’m still looking for a data source to cite here.
9 https://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/e-cigarettes/why-youth-vape.html
10 https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4188645/
11 This data is from a fact sheet created here.

Desire

Desire

Blessed are You,
Lord our God,
King of the Universe,
for lust,
alerting us to the depth of our hunger,
and our fear that we are not worthy
of wholeness.

Blessed are You
for addiction,
desire that overtakes us,
hiding us,
for we are afraid to be seen,
naked and ashamed.

Blessed are You,
Lord our God,
King of the Universe,
for becoming flesh,
hungering and thirsting with us,
inviting us to be seen,
and suggesting that we may be satiated—
embraced in the mystery
that Your desire meets ours.

Books I Read In 2021

Books By Favorite New Authors:

  • Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life, by Anne Lamott
  • Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith, by Anne Lamott
  • Help, Thanks, Wow: The Three Essential Prayers, by Anne Lamott
  • The Whole Language: The Power of Extravagant Tenderness, by Gregory Boyle
  • Dusk, Night, Dawn: On Revival and Courage, by Anne Lamott

Two things changed my life in 2021: 1) the MUK LUKS® my mother-in-law gave me (my feet are the warmest they’ve been since leaving my mother’s womb), and 2) the book The Whole Language: The Power of Extravagant Tenderness, by Gregory Boyle. This book took God right out of the box I had Him in. It pushed me in the best way possible, away from the shallows into a deep, expansive God. It changed how I think about myself and the people around me. It made me laugh and cry. I copied line upon line into my journal:

“God meets our intensity of longing with intensity of longing.”

“We always need to abandon ‘performance’ when it comes to God, and walk instead into the arms of encounter.”

“God is only interested in lavishing us with extravagant tenderness, and yet we are convinced that God is thinking we all could just do a better job.”

“What saves us in the present moment is being anchored in love and tethered to a sustaining God who keeps reminding us of our unshakable goodness and the goodness of others.”

In addition to these legalism-defying snapshots of God, the book overflows with stories of the “homies” Father Boyle works with at Homeboy Industries. These stories of wounded people who wound others—but find themselves always in the good graces of God—paint the most ravishing picture of Jesus. This book gave me permission to say, “I couldn’t be any better,” instead of “I’m such a mess.”

Boyle has written two other books, one of which I’ve already read this year; the other is on my nightstand ready to be imbibed. He spoke at the university here where I live, and I met him afterward. This was long before I had read any of his books, but it still gives me bragging rights (wink).

Another author whom I read for the first time last year, and immediately fell in love with, is Anne Lamott. The first Lamott book I read was Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life. It was recommended by multiple friends, and when I finally read it I was hooked. “Good writing is about telling the truth,” she writes, and she is wildly honest. She is refreshing, funny, and deeply real. Special thanks to my sister for lending me several of her Lamott books to feed my addiction.

Fiction and Stories

  • Stormie, by Stormie Omartian
  • Kisses from Katie: A Story of Relentless Love and Redemption, by Katie Davis, with Beth Clark
  • The Bridge, by Karen Kingsbury
  • A Time to Mend, A Time to Gather, and A Time to Surrender (3 books), by Sally John & Gary Smalley
  • The Secret Garden, by F. Hodgson Burnett

I have read Stormie several times. It’s an easy read and a powerful story of God’s redemption in the aftermath of being raised by a mentally ill mom. Kisses from Katie is an unexpected tale of Jesus’ love in the life of a teenage girl who moved to Uganda and adopted 13 daughters.

If you like Christian fiction and haven’t read Karen Kingsbury, definitely give her a try. I’ve enjoyed dozens of her books. The series by Sally John and Gary Smalley was excellent as well.

I read The Secret Garden aloud to my husband—a fun way to revisit a classic. We’ve also read Tom Sawyer aloud together, and The Hobbit.

Parenting Books

  • How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
  • Discipline That Connects With Your Child’s Heart: Building Faith, Wisdom, and Character in the Messes of Daily Life, by Jim and Lynne Jackson

Parenting is a tough subject to write about. As parents, we look for answers, but I think we know that no method is really an answer. I appreciated the respectful and emotionally intelligent approach of How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, as well as the reflection questions and practice exercises.

Discipline That Connects With Your Child’s Heart is my favorite parenting book and the only one I have returned to multiple times. I always refer to it as “the book that sent me to counseling,” which is true. It has a number of suggestions for being safe with our children, such as taking a minute to calm down before responding to a stressful situation. One idea was to keep a small bottle of lotion in your pocket and take time to stop and rub lotion into your hands so you can emotionally re-center before engaging with your kid(s). I read that, and I knew I needed a month on a desert island to re-center… and that’s when it occurred to me that counseling might be in order. I was fortunate to find a counselor whose guidance was in sync with the Holy Spirit in my life. What a blessing that was during the most trying years of parenting preschoolers.

Religion and Self-Help Books

  • In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction, by Gabor Maté
  • The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, by John Mark Comer
  • God Has a Name, by John Mark Comer
  • All Shall Be Well: Awakening to God’s Presence in His Messy, Abundant World, by Catherine McNiel
  • A Personal Perspective, by Sonya Lang Hackett
  • Love Lives Here: Finding What You Need in a World Telling You What You Want, by Maria Goff
  • Happiness Is a Serious Problem: A Human Nature Repair Manual, by Dennis Prager
  • The Lies We Believe about God: Knowing God for Who He Really Is, by Dr. Chris Thurman
  • The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God, by Timothy Keller with Kathy Keller

I’ve ordered these books from most favorite to least favorite. I won’t comment on all of them. First, let me say that I have received tremendous insight from Timothy Keller’s books and sermons, and I would recommend everything I’ve read or listened to, except this book on marriage. It was unbearably dry, and so long… it may be represented in one or two of my gray hairs.

John Mark Comer was my favorite new author last year and I enjoyed his books again this year. Catherine McNiel is another author I returned to, and would recommend, especially for young mothers.

At the top of the list is a book recommended by my friend Ruth. It’s a longer book (536 pages), but it was such a blessing. It gave me a much broader and more informed perspective on addiction. I enjoyed the stories more than the medical explanations, but both were helpful. Maté writes with authenticity and understanding. He was also featured in a documentary titled The Wisdom of Trauma, which has sparked an ongoing conversation about mental illness and addiction. I’ll close this post with a quote from Maté: “Trauma is not what happens to you. Trauma is what happens inside you, as a result of what happens to you.”