Tag Archives: victory

Early Morning Poverty

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God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.

Matthew 5:3, NLT

Soft patting from my six-year-old woke me up at 3am. “I want you,” was the reason she gave. I tried to fix things and send her back to bed, but she wasn’t having it. I gave up and made a blanket bed on the floor in my room. She settled in and slept. I felt resentful, trapped, overwhelmed… and angry that I can’t seem to make a parenting decision without feeling all those things. Such a simple decision, but just look at me make it complicated. I lay in bed anxious, dialed up to ten, and I prayed for God to provide. For help. And I slept.

The same little hands woke me a few hours later—too early, but not early enough to send her back to bed. She wanted help opening a door. We have an old house and most of the doors slipped out of alignment long ago. They require a firm hand to actually latch, and make a popping sound when opened. The early-up daughter opened four doors, and my irritation dialed right up again—first at her, and then at myself. Again I prayed for help, and I slept.

I have conflicting feelings about these moments of struggle. Sometimes God helps me and I feel so ashamed for needing help. I want the stories of God showing up in my life to be more glamorous and less highlighting my selfishness. I’ve been reading about a young woman who dedicated her life to the marginalized, and I feel so stupid for the smallness of my stressors. Her struggles seem saintly; mine feel embarrassing.

But my feelings have forgotten the truth, which I whisper to God: You show up in each of our moments without discrimination. The “saintly” young woman is loved. I am loved. I am here, feeling paralyzed by fear, tantalized by control, and tempted by selfishness and scarcity. And You, You show up with the embrace of a friend who feels the tiredness, gives me a knowing squeeze, and sits beside me.

Another morning: I woke up a little earlier than usual. I got up, drank a glass of water, relieved myself of the previous evening’s glass of water, and sat down to pray. I felt heavy and snappy, and was grateful for a few extra moments of quiet time. I opened the window a crack to smell the fresh morning air, then closed it again to keep out the cold. I opened my hands and closed my eyes.

Then I heard the girls, up early this morning. They came in my room to ask, “Can we get up now?” They left the door open and Phred (our cat) jumped on the bed where my husband was still sleeping. Sigh. Two minutes later Kyli came back because they had a fight (already?!). She climbed on my lap. Kayt came in repentant: “I’m ready to apologize.” I mediated, and finally they left me to the quiet.

I was losing. The quiet time I felt I desperately needed was being riddled with holes. I prayed, Help. I asked God if I could spend today finding contentment in watching Him provide. And in a sudden turn of thoughts, I imagined how stressful it would have been to wake up to the girls having a fight, not having had those first moments of quiet. Ah, the sweet relief of gratitude for provision already made.

The kingdom of heaven is mine. “Blessed are the poor in spirit—those who recognize their spiritual poverty—for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 5:3). The kingdom of heaven is mine because I am poor. If I were rich I wouldn’t need it, and if I thought I was rich I wouldn’t know I needed it. It is precisely when I know I am poor that the kingdom of heaven is mine. I may rejoice in the poverty that lands me exactly where I want to be—a place of receiving. Finding contentment in watching Him provide, and knowing that every moment of apparent poverty is an invitation to great wealth. Thank you, Jesus, that there is no shame in receiving Your help.

Obedience, Part 4 – What Follows Obedience

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Here we are at Part 4, after an unexpected detour for Obedience, Part Unknown.

Obedience, Part 1 – Turning
Obedience, Part 2 – Agreeing or Trusting?
Obedience, Part 3 – What Precedes Obedience
Obedience, Part 4 – What Follows Obedience
Obedience, Part 5 – Disobedience

Don’t Settle

There are several passages in the Old Testament that outline the blessings that follow obedience to God. One such passage is Leviticus 26:3-13. I love the final verse in this passage: “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt so you would no longer be their slaves. I broke the yoke of slavery from your neck so you can walk with your heads held high.”

At some point I think most of us realize we are slaves. In fact, the nearer we move toward God the more clearly we see our bondage to sin and self-preservation, and our powerlessness. To borrow from Alcoholics Anonymous: “We admitted that we were powerless over our problems and that our lives had become unmanageable.” God allows us to see our brokenness, God brings us out of bondage, and God breaks the yoke. He is able to set us free so we can hold our heads high. He does not want us to settle.

If I may quote C. S. Lewis again, he says this so unashamedly in Mere Christianity:

On the one hand, God’s demand for perfection need not discourage you in the least in your present attempts to be good, or even in your present failures. Each time you fall He will pick you up again. And He knows perfectly well that your own efforts are never going to bring you anywhere near perfection. On the other hand, you must realise from the outset that the goal towards which He is beginning to guide you is absolute perfection; and no power in the whole universe, except you yourself, can prevent Him from taking you to that goal. That is what you are in for. And it is very important to realise that. If we do not, then we are very likely to start pulling back and resisting Him after a certain point. I think that many of us, when Christ has enabled us to overcome one or two sins that were an obvious nuisance, are inclined to feel (though we do not put it into words) that we are now good enough. He has done all we wanted Him to do, and we would be obliged if He would now leave us alone… We may be content to remain what we call “ordinary people”: but He is determined to carry out a quite different plan. To shrink back from that plan is not humility; it is laziness and cowardice. To submit to it is not conceit or megalomania; it is obedience.” – Mere Christianity, pp. 172-173

What follows obedience? More obedience. We will never be done turning toward God; and on this side of heaven He will never be done healing us, delivering us, and transforming us.

Grace To Give Us Ears

In reading just a handful of texts regarding obedience in the Old Testament, a significant list of blessings emerged. Going back to the passage in Leviticus chapter 26, I noted these blessings in addition to the breaking of the yoke of bondage:

  • Abundant provision
  • Peace and safety
  • Exceptional power and influence over enemies
  • God’s favor
  • God’s presence
  • Belonging to God

I find it interesting that the second three blessings appear to be of much greater spiritual value than the first three, but God gives the first three first. Maybe He knows we need to be safe and provided for in order for our feeble hearts to move toward Him. I once heard it said that a hungry child has no ears. As humans we are so starved for worthiness that we are unable to even hear what God is offering. Often I feel ashamed for being weak, for starting small, for wanting provision, and safety, and power over enemies. But God kindly provides those things, thus enabling my ears to hear and my eyes to see His favor, His presence, and His offer of belonging. 

What follows obedience? Blessings beyond our wildest imagination. We cannot even imagine what it is like to live continually in God’s favor and presence, in a state of belonging to Him, perfectly in peace as He cares for us with abundant provision, while enjoying exceptional power and influence over our enemies (enemies that are often not flesh and blood, but spiritual powers working against us – see Ephesians 6:12). “Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” (Ephesians 3:20, NLT, emphasis added)

Whose Work?

All these blessings are conditional on following, trusting and obeying God – Father, Son and Spirit. Sometimes that makes me nervous; sometimes it makes me proud: depending on how successfully I perceive I am currently following, trusting, and obeying. But when I’m honest I know that I only follow God in His power anyways. The credit is never mine, and the pressure is never on me. Christ took the pressure and gave me His victory as a gift. I will never engage with Him perfectly, which turns out to be a blessing because it keeps me humble.

There is a tantalizing picture painted by two great battlefield examples of God doing the work for His people: the famous battle of Jericho, and King Jehoshaphat’s remarkable encounter with the surrounding nations who came to war against him. When I read these stories (Joshua 6 and 2 Chronicles 20), in my mind’s eye I replace the heathen armies with my current enemies – whether it be my own thoughts, difficulties in marriage or parenting, or overwhelming situations or circumstances. (This can be rote or formulaic, so don’t do it if it’s not meaningful to you. It’s only worthwhile if it grows your friendship with God.)

As the Israelites came to Jericho, the first thing God said to Joshua was, “I have given you Jericho, its king, and all its strong warriors” (Joshua 6:2b, NLT). Then God proceeded to tell Joshua how to battle the city with marching and shouting and the Ark of the Lord’s Covenant, and as you know, the walls fell down on the seventh day in a resounding victory. When we let God be God and we obey Him, He acts on our behalf. He does the work. He provides.

In Jehoshaphat’s story, he is informed by messengers that “a vast army” is approaching. He “was terrified by this news and begged the Lord for guidance” (2 Chronicles 20:3), as well as enlisting the prayers of everyone in Judah. Then he goes to the temple and prays a brave and vulnerable prayer, entreating God to care for them, and ending with these words: “O our God, won’t you stop them? We are powerless against this mighty army that is about to attack us. We do not know what to do, but we are looking to you for help.” (2 Chronicles 20:12, NLT)

In response, God’s Spirit comes upon Jahaziel with a message of deliverance: “‘Listen, all you people of Judah and Jerusalem! Listen, King Jehoshaphat! This is what the Lord says: Do not be afraid! Don’t be discouraged by this mighty army, for the battle is not yours, but God’s… you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord’s victory. He is with you, O people of Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out against them tomorrow, for the Lord is with you!'” (2 Chronicles 20:15-17, emphasis added). After this the whole community of people bows to worship, stands to praise, and shouts loudly. Then as the army goes out the next morning, they decide to have singers praising God in front of the army, and “at the very moment they began to sing and give praise, the Lord caused the armies of Ammon, Moab, and Mount Seir to start fighting among themselves” (verse 22). Long story short, those nations coming against Judah all killed each other and Jehoshaphat and his people took the spoil. 

This story is rich with testimony to strengthen us and remind us who God is. What I want to draw from it today – and from the story of Jericho – is that God is victorious for us when we obey. I believe victory follows obedience. I hope with my whole being that victory is real for every Christian. I hope we do not settle. I hope we let the the love of God soak deep into our bones so that we may trust Him. And I hope as we trust and follow Him that our hearts are quickened to obedience; that we do the weird things He asks us to do; that we let Him be everything: our source of life and faith, our Savior, our Lord, our victorious Warrior, and the Hero of our story.

Life

Obedience is a humble path. It happens in the ordinary moments every day. It is an often-quiet, faithful turning. It is letting God do it His way instead of my way.

May I say again that God has great things for us? More than we can imagine, sometimes more than we want, always more than we deserve. Obedience is like a fence along the pathway of life. Only it’s rather like an optional fence. No one is requiring us to obey. But when we do, it keeps us within the life God has for us: we begin to become truly alive for the first time, for real.  

Letting God Provide

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[from my prayer journal]

August 12, 2019

God says, “Let me be your provider. ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness’ (2 Cor. 12:9). You don’t need your kids and husband and other people around you to keep you happy, or your performance to be your reward. Bring everything to me. Let me be your provider. Be still. Wait on me. Give thanks. Hold fast. Find contentment in watching me provide.”

November 12, 2019

This morning I am feeling my brokenness in parenting. The sorrow of all the moments of connection lost to worry and fear. I asked God what to do and He sent me a bird. A tiny bird to flit about in the leafless tree outside my window. And He reminded me not to worry because He cares for the sparrows and He cares for me. I am not able to parent my children the way He would have me parent them. I am not even to try. I may trust His provision. I may find contentment in watching Him provide.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” (Matthew 6:25,26 NIV)

November 13, 2019

“I have resurrection power, living on the the inside Jesus, You have given us freedom” (Chris Tomlin, “Resurrection Power”). This morning I write these words with a sense of belonging rather than a sense of longing. Yesterday I spent the afternoon having fun with my daughters. And I actually had fun. And I didn’t even think of my to-do list. That is resurrection power.

November 25, 2019

When I woke up this morning I realized I’m not miserable any more. I was thinking about yesterday and today – my husband being sick, my e-book with an hour left before it expires and no time to listen, the kids being on school vacation, not knowing how best to spend my time, Christmas crochet projects not getting done, grocery shopping, meal preparations, a messy house, parenting my girls today – and none of it felt like a burden.

It has been about four years since I realized I was miserable. Since I got honest about the reality that I had a perfect life and I hated it. I just wanted to escape. Was part of this seasonal? Probably. I had a one year old and a three year old at that time. But the greater part of this change is the holy and beautiful, precious and long desired, oh-so-beautiful and tasty, fruit of seeking God. Or responding to Him seeking me. To be honest, it’s still somewhat of a mystery. But this morning I cry tears of happiness and contentment and relief at the realization I am not miserable. In some sense I am surprised. In the deepest sense I am loved, and I have finally begun to let it soak in.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30 NIV)